It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
