Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Dear god my vagina.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
