the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
