I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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