I need to stop coming to work sober
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
