very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
