well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
