it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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