Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
