I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
