yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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