Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
