dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I have demons in me.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
