is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
