also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
