Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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