Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
