my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
