If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize