Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
