Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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