I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
you would pick up someone in the library
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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