$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
