meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
