what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
