So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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