Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
