it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
