I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
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I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
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Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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