A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
