omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
