Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
