So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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