Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
that may or may not have been my penis.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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