new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
