This is not my ceiling
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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