it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
