i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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