Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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