i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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