What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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