I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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