watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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