I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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