I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize