when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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