I have demons in me.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
