Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
