I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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