those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
