The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Is it penis luge time yet?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
