On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
