Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
PANTIES FOUND
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