You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
