What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
