dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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