We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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