Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
