i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
