sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Randomize
