he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
