Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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