she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
