I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
