Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
two words: eviction party
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize