puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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