I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
