Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
