Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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