Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
