If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
