his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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