it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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