Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
