Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize