so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
