Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
